Today was a good Sunday. Waking up and getting ready for church is a little stressful. Getting the boys ready and my self. I feel like I have nothing that looks good on me. Trying to cover up my enlarged (due to breast feeding) things on my chest, and trying to make it seem like I have everything under control. I'm usually frustrated by the time we get out of the door. Not a good way to start my day. But we started going to a new Church today. It feels like a home! It is awesome. People actually greet people and ask what our names are. I love the small church feel. A family instead of a community. (there is nothing wrong with our last church or big churches. They are great. God working in both. This is just my preference and my family moving to where we feel God wanting us to be.)One of the songs that we sang today was Everything by Tim Hughes. I love it. It is about God in every part of your life. In your breathing in your living. I struggle with this. I would love to say that I pray all the time, I read and understand the Bible everyday. That I seek God in everything I do. And i tell everyone i know about how much God Loves them and no matter what they have done they can not change that. I would love that, but to be honest I'm a big failure. These things I struggle at. I struggle with staying at home and with witnessing to others. I tend to stick to a routine and when I'm at the store I'm in and out as quick as possible before one or all three of us are crying. At home I quickly feel discharged with the list of things to do. But when I was singing that song at church I felt at peace. I knew that in that moment I was singing to Jesus to be my everything and to be with me always. And I know he listens and I truly believe he is with me always. I just need a little reminder sometimes.
Being a Christ follower is not a list of things to do. I can not tell you if you read your bible every day and gave all your money to the poor and witnessed every chance you had, that you would go to heaven. It's not about Works!! This may sound strange. But honestly I am so happy, that getting to go to heaven and having The Holy Spirit with me today has nothing to do with how much I can do and or give up in my life. Because I would Miserably FAIL!! I mess up so much! Im not saying Following Christ living any way I want to. I'm saying that the Holy Spirit is in me because I hit rock bottom. It took me doing that to understand I Can Not Do This Life Thing By My Self. I have always understood that there was a God and he sent his son Jesus to die for me because I am a sinner. So I thought that meant I was a Christian. For me that was not so. I had never given my life to Christ. I was holding on to the things I wanted to fix first. I was saying that I didn't need help in this area, I didn't have faith that God could help me with this. More like I didn't think God would care enough to help little me with my problems.
Honestly I think what kept me away the most was I didn't think God would Love me. Everyone else, but just not me. Why would he love me??? That was my biggest fear. If I put my life out there would the God that knows every thought and action Love me?
Well hitting rock bottom with no where else to go, I surrendered my broken life to God. And he Loves me. And there is absolutely nothing I can do change his love for me. I'm not saying from then on my life has been perfect and nothing bad has happened to me. No. But I can tell you I never have to be alone again. The God of the Universe is with me and loves me. With him I can do all things. This love he has for me makes me desire to know him more, to talk to him more and to tell people that My God is Your God and he Loves you just as much as he Loves me. That is why I want to do more. Not just a list to get done in the day. Not just a set of rules to follow.
I need to remember that my time with God is not something to check off my list. That he is always with me and in my frustration in my weeping in my laughing moments and in every moment he is with me. I can talk to him whenever, and seeing him in everything. I can see all the beautiful blessings he has given me. It is amazing that God loves me do much that he wants to see his Glory and be with him. John 17:24 "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
God FIRST Loved me and I want to live for him because he has saved me.
Well this song is my desire to God. Christ in me, be my everything. I pray that I can be a light to others so they to can find your Love.
EVERYTHING
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my wathcing
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
You are everything
Jesus, Everything
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