No Sleep

So being a mom is hard. I can not even imagine being a single mom doing it on my own. I want to say you lady's are stronger than you think and if you can do this you can do anything! You are amazing! For me there are days that I am counting the seconds tell my hubby comes home! Or where we go shopping so that way they are both tied down. I enjoy/Love being a mom, it is just those days that get you down. Now if I stopped and prayed and focused my energy on God, I know I would have a different day, but do I do that? Not all the time, I let my bad mood get the best of me. I hate that! I want my boys to remember a happy mommy not a stressed out one. I Want to be there example of how you can call on God for anything! I want to show them I am a women of God. The Hardest thing I think being a parent for me is to remember my children are not mine. They are gifts from God and i God has entrusted them to us.
So kind of different note, Sleeping. I just got to where I can put My youngest to sleep and not check on him every 10 minutes. I am so scared of SIDS. I pray about it, but it was just one of those fear things I could not let go. I did it with my oldest son also. I just felt if I was not watching him all the time he could stop breathing. Needless to say I do not get much sleep. I know It is my fear and my flesh thinking I control things. When I know it has nothing to do with me. And I have no power to make him breath. Well I still worry and I'm still praying that God can help me in that area. So on top of that I worry about someone breaking into my house and stealing my babies. Crazy I know. So I had a bad dream last night and I was just shaken up by it, so I asked my husband to check my oldest sons bedroom windows. Well I think it was one of those God things cause both windows were unlocked. I was like what. We never open our windows and I knew they were locked before. But my hubby said they had just rattled unlocked. We live in an older home. So all night I worried about that. I am a light sleeper so it makes it harder to go back to sleep for me. Well so that was my night last night.
I pray for protection and I understand that what ever happens, God can use it for his Glory. And I know it is my duty to protect and raise my children. But also know that they are Gods children and he is watching over them. It just is hard to believe that I do not have all the power, to help and fix everything. But at least I serve a God that is all powerful!