Fail

Do you ever have those moments in life where you feel like you fail at everything? I'm having one of those moments. I feel like I have so much to do. My cleaning/ organizing the house list is long. My time with God has not been quality time, time with hubby nope not there ether. I am having frustrating girl drama, where I feel like I'm in high school again. And I have never been good at being friends with girls. Im not good at conflict or if someone gets upset with me I feel like they hate me forever. Stupid I know. Well this moment has come. I feel just like a disappointment. I would like to do better but just not sure how to change for the long term. Like for example how do I a not so organized person become organized? I think it is one step at a time. And asking for help. It is just so hard not to get overwhelmed. I know I am trying to overcome something's. And for me that Is huge. I usually never try cause I'm afraid to fail. But this Blog is one thing that I am trying at. Not sure if anyone reads this, but the fact that I am putting out what I am writing is such a step forward. I hate writing. I don't even send thank you cards cause I'm do afraid I may miss spell something or sound stupid. I wrote out all of my thank you cards from my wedding and babies but through them in the trash, i just could not get myself to send them. So my biggest thing I'm working on is overcoming my fear of writing and looking stupid, so that way Dyslexia does not win, it won't control me and how I live.
The disappointment thing I think is more disappointing myself. I wish I was supper mom, and could do everything. But I think I just need to prioritize and realize I can not do it all.
Sorry I write like I talk / think. Random things pop in my head. One thing about cleaning my house/ witch retaliates to everything in my life, is that I tend to put stuff off. Like cleaning out the fridge. I had to do this yesterday. Not even going to tell you how long it had been. But I will just say gross. But it is one of those things I put off. Then the more I putt it off the worse it gets which makes me want to putt it off more. Until one day I have to break down and do it. Now if I only did it in the beginning it would had been a whole lot less smelly and gross. Same thing in my life. Now I think this is wrong. God did not make me to be lazy, or warm. My priorities show me what I care about the most. Except it doesn't. I don't love the Internet, or pinterest. But some times that is what I spend my time doing. God also said to do everything as if it were for him. Man my house would be spotless!!! And I would try at the harder things. I just need to live like that. Because he is always around. Blah blah blah, I feel like I'm not making sense. But I feel better. Hope I I'm not always negative. That is something I struggle with. I want to be positive! I want to uplift people, but be transparent.